ESC = Eurovision Shit Contest

So, every European is probably by now painfully aware of the upcoming annual ESC event, and I was thinking that I should rant a bit about it because I fucking love ranting.

Perhaps I should begin with showing my contempt for Swedens contribution to the poor excuse of a contest.

Everyone wanted to send this guy:

Yohio. And I admit, this guy would've been EPIC to send! Seriously, I bet Europe NEVER would forget this guy! Visual Key maybe isn't my thing, but I gotta admit: Yohio really fucking pulls it off awesomely!

But thanks to the retarded Europe-judges we're sending this fucking asshat:

I bet those cuntburgers voted for the worst song in the bunch because they were butthurt that we won (deal with it).

THIS IS AWFUL! LISTEN TO IT! IT MAKES MY BRAIN WANNA CRAWL OUT THROUGH MY EAR AND RUN AWAY!

And who'd remember this song in the future? No one. NO FUCKING ONE! I hate this song with such burning passion, and I'm REALLY butthurt that the motherfucking Europe-judges got to decide which song we should send! Yohio would've won with a rockslide if it weren't for those shitboots, but NOO! Let's send the worst fucker of them all! FUCK!

And I'm not the only one shitting bricks: every Helylle-Svenne in Sweden is right now gathering their fury and aims it like a goddamn solar beam against ESC, EVERYONE is pissed that we didn't get to choose and thus, the wrong song won!

But guess which song I wanted to send to the big thing?

The one, the only; the Banan:

THIS GUY! SEAN THE BANAN!

I mean, since we won the entire thing last time (with a freakishly AWFUL song btw), why not make complete ASSES out of ourselves and send Sean Banan?! It would be the PERFECT opportunity to embarrass ourselves for real!! I wanted us to punish Europe for letting us win, MAKE EUROPE SUFFER FOR IT'S MISTAKE!!

SEAN BANAN 4 LYF!

COPA COPACABANANA COPACABANANA COPACABANANA HELL FUCKING YES!!

But NOOO, we just HAD to send Robin! Now everything will be embarrassing but for the wrong reason! The bad kind of embarrassement...

And maybe my opinions on the voting?

Everyone is "buddy-voting"... Neighbors votes on neighbors. 

STAHP!

VOTE ON THE SONGS INSTEAD, BALKAN!! DON'T VOTE ON THE COUNTRIES!

Meh, who am I kidding... I bet most people who watches ESC are suck ups by nature >_>... 

Oh and a last thing, Sweden won last time, so this time ESC will take place in Sweden naturally. And guess where?

Malmö.

In Skåne.

MOTHERFUCKING SKÅNE!

EVERYONE HATES SKÅNE!

SKÅNE IS A PIECE OF SHIT, DANGLING AT THE TIP OF OUR DICK-SHAPED COUNTRY LIKE SOME PERSISTENT DROP OF CUM WHO JUST WONT LEAVE!!

And trust me: Skåne hates everyone back! Skåne loathes everyone so much it wants to be an entirely independent country. HAH! Good riddance!

The only thing Skåne has even contributed with is Spettekaka.

Spettekaka looks like this:

 And even if it looks like a delicious cake (made from spit, LULZ), it's not edible: it's a rockhard pastry made from tomte excrement and trollhair and tastes like nightmares.

Spettekaka and homes for immigrants.

Nothing against immigrants, I just think that maybe we should take care of the ones we got FIRST, before taking in new ones, 'kay?

Anyway, back to ESC in Skåne:

Fuck Skåne.

GRÄV BORT SKÅNE!

You know where I think we should host ESC? Stockholm. In Globen.

No wait, Stockholm is also a piece of shit!

However, Gothenburg! GOTHENBURG IS THE SHIT!

GÖÖÖTEEEBOOOORG 4 LYF!