And here comes another rant...

I'm super bored right now so here comes another rant. This time about everyones favorite subject: Religion.
Or to be more precise: the Westboro Baptist Church.
So I was browsing through dos Internetos, and somehow found my way to Youtube. There I managed to find a documentary on those buffoons by Louis Theroux, a pretty epic dude so make sure you go and check him out if you don't know who he is. Or don't. I really don't give a flying rats ass...
Anyway, I find these blokes fascinating.
Fascinatingly OBNOXIOUS!

Seriously, WHAT THA FAQ? Can anyone say H-Y-P-O-C-R-I-T-E-S here please?
And their pastor, "the Godfather" of this little sad maffia, is Fred Phelps,  a major DICK! I'm not kidding! He's like the Dick Master! THE LORD OF THE DICKS!
And their webpage: godhatesfags.com... I would laugh my fucking ass off if I didn't have a cracked rib at the moment, that severly cripples me in my lung-functions.
Now, you might wonder why I hate these schmucks so much?
"I thank God for breast cancer"
"Thank God for dead soldiers!"
"Fags are worthy of DEATH!"
"God hates you"
"God hates fags"
"Kittens should be roasted alive!"
"Carrying yellow on Christmas is a SIN!"

Okay, I actually made the last two ones up, but I bet they're soon gonna show up on their retarded placates any day now!
These guys are so fucking amazingly demented that I'm not sure I can explain them very well, just take a look at their site here...

...
...
...
Done? Good!
See what I mean by hypocrites? One of the main things that pisses me off is this: it clearly says in the bible that "only God can judge the humans", but these schmucks are actually strutting around, judging other people...
They stand there with bigass notes that says: "You are going to Hell!" "You are a fag!" "God hates you!"
...
So? How the fuck is that YOUR problem? God hates America? THEN MOVE, YA TWITS! MOVE TO JERUSALEM AND GET STONED TO DEATH!! PLEEAASE!!
If Heaven is where you guys will be hanging out later, then burning fires and eternal damnation: here I come, baby!
What I don't get is, WHAT are you trying to achieve?? WHAT do you hope to accomplish by walking around and tell people they're going to Hell?
"Hey! You! Yes you! You with the ugly shoes! You are going to burn in HELL!"
"... And this affects you, how?"
"... To be frank, I don't know... But Freddie tells us that the world needs to hear this more than oxygen, bread and water so I'll repeat it for you: YOU ARE GOING TO BURN IN HELL!"
"Thanks mate, I'll be keeping that in mind when you guys are freezing your butts off thousands of meters up in the sky while I'm being boiled in Hell, all warm and cozy!"
"You're welcome! And remember: God hates you!"

They also do remakes of songs. Changes the lyrics to hateful messages...

That's all I can say about that...
And maybe this too:

Oh, and one more thing: if God really hates us, THEN WHY ARE WE STILL HERE?! It just doesn't make any sense?! If I hate something, I'll always try to get rid of it ASAP. Like, daddy longlegs and telemarketers! In any case I don't wanna keep anything I hate... That's just masochistic, and I'm not getting turned on by that shit. And I bet that Mr Almighty ain't up for that kind of freaky stuff either. But then again, I could be wrong..
And one more thing, why would someone hate something they've created with their own bare hands?!
... Shut up, Frankenstein!
I mean, it took this dude a whole fucking WEEK to create everything, according to Da Book, and not even I puts that long time and effort into something! But then again, I'm a lazy ass bitch...
I'm just saying that if I were God I wouldn't hate on...
Huh, what was that you said?

Oh wait, I think God just got an alibi... Nevermind what I said! Humanity IS pretty fucked!

And one more thing I need to get outta my system before I hit the hay: a couple of years ago, in Sweden as a matter of fact, there was a priest, Åke Gren (or Ake Green, as they prefer to call him) who made homophobic speech about homosexuals. And he got sued and thrown in jail, sort of. Guess who got his jimmies rustled?  That's right: Fred Phelps.
They even started a webpage about it that... Ya know what? Ill just give it to ya!
So, done laughing yet? Good! Let's go through this little text together shall we?


In 1944, homosexuality was legalized in Sweden. (Best decision ever made!) Not only was that vile sin legalized in this God-forsaken country, Sweden embraces it so that it is considered to be one of the most gay-friendly countries in Europe and maybe even the world. (Aww shucks! Y'know, the stereotype Swede hates to brag... But, yes. Yes we are!) If you didnt think this country was filthy enough, dont worry, they will never make you think that again. They hold a yearly fag pride parade known as the Stockholm Pride Parade. On July 25thAugust 3rd, 2008, they will host (not for the first time, but for the second time) the EuroPride parade. (I've been to the Pride parade once, I loved it! Gay people really ARE the nicest people <3)
Proverbs 4:16 For they sleep not, except they have done mischief; and their sleep is taken away, unless they cause some to fall.

(Can you take that in English please? And how is that relevant?)
These fags are NEVER satisfied unless every single person bows down to them and kisses fag-butt.

In 2002 Sweden made it legal for fags to adopt children. How much more unnatural can you get than being a fag? (Actually, Homosexuality has been proven to exist among all kinds of animals in nature. Bitch, you don't get more natural than that! Homophobia on the other hand...) When you cant follow a simple commandment (Leviticus 18:22 - Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination) you will never be able to raise a child in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. (Another reason to love gays: they're not spineless buttkissers, trying to suck up to a PMS:ing God)
Ephesians 6:4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Fags are never happy unless theyre pushing their filth down everyones throat (Actually, that sounds more like an accurate description of WBC...). Here is just another example of how fags will stop at nothing to make everyone accept their disobedience to their God. Two publishing companies, Vilda and Olika, are publishing childrens books with the theme that having same-sex parents is a natural way of life. (Vilda och Olika you mean? Basically meaning: Wild and Different) WTF? (AY! NO CUSSIN' IN CHURCH, MATE!) There is NOTHING natural about being a fag (... Bitch what did I just say 'bout natural gay?)! Listen up Sweden, those children are an inheritance from God and this is what you teach them? Not a good idea! (You're right for  once: it's not a good idea... IT'S AN EXCELLENT IDEA!)


Aaah, thank you for existing, Westboro Baptist Church! I can now once again laugh at religion without feeling bad!
Btw, they called our king a coward for not stepping up for the homophob. First of all, "Knugen" couldn't really care less what's going on in the country. Second, the country couldn't really care less if Knugen stepped down from the throne just because an asshole got what he deserved. Except everyone born before the sixties, for them it would be the end of the world.
Sorry but Knugen is nothing but Swedens little mascot.

But we love you anyway, you silly little strip-clubs loving, hat bearing Knugis <3




However before I depart, I should make one thing straight here (hehehe): I don't believe in God. I am not an Atheist, I just don't believe in one God. Especially not in the God in any forms of Christianity, Islam, Jewish, whatever! It's called a non-believer.
Oh, and I'm a Bisexual shemale, so I like to refer to myself as Double-Gay
Thank you.

Storytime: Two Gamers in Love

Leaving the evil of ComicsNix behind, we now face a new insanity: Pewdiecry.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH
If there's anyone here who doesn't know, Pewdiepie and Cry (Chaoticmonki) are two awesome youtubers who mostly makes lets plays and game commentaries.

Besides, Pewdie is one of my greatest idols of all time, AND THE ABSOLUTE LAST PERSON ON EARTH I'D WRITE EROTIC FANFICTION ABOUT!! ESPECIALLY NOT ABOUT HIM AND HIS FRIEND CRY!!

WHAT KIND OF SICK, DEMENTED CREATURE WOULD COME UP WITH THIS?! WAAT DAA FAAAQ?!

Then again, it's not the worst thing I've ever read, but just the sheer fact that it's about a guy who's practically living my dream (plus he's got one of the cutest girls I've ever seen as girlfriend)... And he's one of the good things Sweden has ever produced...

And people write THIS shit...

Oy vey...

 Two Gamers in Love by Booboosofetch

World Wide Gaming Expo 2012. The largest gaming convention open to the public. Everything from Tetris to Call of Duty. The expo hall is packed with game testing booths and eager players.

Amongst the crowd are two young men. One is tall with tan skin and lightly colored hair. His clothing hangs off his scrawny frame. He goes by the name of Pewdiepie. (I don't think Pewdie is scrawny. He's not chubby or fat either, he's fairly thin. But not scrawny)

The other calls himself Cry. He is shorter than Pewdie but just as skinny. His fare skin is complimented by blonde spiky hair and blue eyes. (WHO THE FUCK KNOWS WHAT CRY LOOKS LIKE IRL?! HE'S PORTRAYED BY A FUCKING MUMINTROLL / HUBERT CUMBERDALE LOVECHILD! 

)

"It's so beautiful!" exclaims Pewdie, "I think I'm going to cry!" he drapes himself over Cry, "hold me Cry! Hold me!"

Cry pulls his friend away from his body, "bro, stop flipping shit," he says laughing, "Let's go pown some noobs!" (That's right, Cry! Fight the insanity!)

Pewdie perks up, "Okay, cool."

The pair begins to walk the expo hall. Pewdie takes it all in, a huge goofy grin on his face. Cry pulls out a map for reference. (From where? Does that little figurine even have pockets?!... Oh...)

"Ok so the expo hall, that's where we are right now, is all new games that are either still in Beta of have just come out in the last year. Competitions will take place every three hours on the contest stage at the end of the hall. There are also four rooms on the left side of the hall for First person shooters, MMORPGs, Hand-held's, and Arcade style. Venders are down stairs and Video Game companies will be presenting on the main stage to our right. Please see back for schedule. Oh," Cry flips over the map to reveal a large graph of names, times, and locations, "Hey so I guess there's a panel for gamers on You tube." (Shouldn't that have been on the other side?... With the rest of the map?...)

"Oh yeah?" Pewdie leans over Cry's shoulder to peer at the list. He glances at his watch, "That's an hour from now."

Cry folds up the map and returns it to his back pocket, "Okay, so what do you want to do until then?" (”I wanna know where the fuck you keep your pockets!”)

The two are interrupted by some fans with cameras. (Fucking fangirls...)

"Oh my god! Can I get a picture with you Pewdie?" one of the girls asks. (And none gives a scheisse about Cry?!)

"Sure," he replies with a smile.

A crowd begins to form around Pewdie and Cry, asking for photos and autographs. The two engage their fans in light joking conversation. Pewdie checks his watch.

"Oh, Cry, we have to go. It was really nice talking to you guys. Stay awesome bros!"

"Bro fist?" a fan asks.

Pewdie smiles, "sure why not?" (DON'T YA DARE TO DEFILE THE HOLY BROFIST IN THIS WRITTEN NIGHTMARE YA LOWLIFE BARREL!)

He bumps knuckles with all his fans before turning to follow Cry. They wander the hotel for twenty minutes before they find the right room (… Which makes them like, LATE for whatever-the-fuck they wanna see...). They sit in the back quietly and listen as the panelists give tips on editing and equipment. Cry pretends to fall asleep.

Pewdie laughs, "do you want to leave?"

He shrugs his shoulders in response.

"Let's go," he whispers, nodding his head toward the door.

Cry smiles and follows his friend out of the room. (WAIT! You guys ditched a bunch of fans to get late to a frickin whatever-the-fuck they're called in english you're just gonna watch five minutes of?!)

"Watch this," Pewdie chuckles, once they reach the expo hall again.

"Penis," he whispers. (Don't you mean ”AAAAAAAH JESUS PENIS!!”?)

The game escalates quickly until the entire hall is screaming the word. Pewdie and Cry are clutching their rips, struggling to breath through their laughter.

"Come on," beckons Pewdie, "we came to play games. Let's show these bitches how it's done." (I've read the whole fanfic... You are not just here to play games, are ya?)

Cry laughs, "Okay."

Pewdie and Cry spend the day gaming, vlogging, and talking to fans. It's late in the night by the time they make it back to their hotel room. The pair flops down on Pewdie's bed. They lie there for a while in silence (And please remain that way!). Pewdie turns to say something to Cry only to be greeted by his sleeping body, weighed down by exhaustion.

Pewdie smiles, "Better not to wake him." He takes off his jeans, turns off the light, and snuggles up next to Cry, willing himself to sleep. (DON'T fucking CHEAT on MARZIA with CRY, SVENNEJÄVEL!)

Cry wakes to the sight of Pewdie's face right in his. (I know a lot of fangirls who'd KILL to wake up to that sight!)

Cry screams and shoves Pewdie off the bed. "What the hell, bro? You gave me a fucking heart attack!" (You guys wanna know the worst part? I imagine this in their voices...)

The two laugh for a while.

"You know, it's not that bad down here," says Pewdie, "you should come join me". (No! Pewdie! SLUTA FÖR FAN!)

"Oh yeah?" answers Cry, sliding off the bed to lie next to Pewdie. He rests his head on Pewdie's chest.

"Lick my nipples, Cry. They need some tender loving". (NO! They DON'T! It's Agrippas nipples who needs tender loving!! And to be twisted... However, you can dust off his balls if you want to...)

Cry shoves Pewdie's face in to the carpet, "Shut up!" (FIGHT IT, CRY! FIGHT THE INSANITY!)

Pewdie laughs through the fibers of the carpet. After a few moments of silence, it is obvious Pewdie has fallen back asleep. Cry, unable to resist himself, gives Pewdie a little kiss on the cheek before returning to the bed to return to sleep, himself. (Yes. It's SO comfortable to lie down with your fucking face SQUISHED into the carpet! ANYONE would fall asleep while being suffocated into a filthy hotel rug!... Wait, they're still on the floor?)

Little did Cry know, a smile was growing on Pewdie's face. Pewdie gets up and sneaks in to the bed next to Cry.

"I didn't know you had secret fantasies about me, Cry," Pewdie whispers in to his ear.

A deep red colours Cry's cheeks, "I do no-" (You don't, Cry! I believe ya!)

He is cut off by Pewdie's lips on his. (Don'timagineitdon'timagineitdon'timagineitdon'timagineitdon'timagineitdon'timagineit AAARRRGH! I IMAGINED IT!)

Cry moans in to Pewdie's mouth, kissing him back. Pewdie turns over on to his back and pulls Cry on top of him. They kiss for a while longer, hands exploring each other. Pewdie remove's Cry's tee shirt and suck and the tender flesh of his exposed collar bone.

"Mmmm, that feel really nice," he coos.

Pewdie's knee lifts up his knee in between Cry's legs. Cry's moans grow louder at the touch to his groin. His lips return to Pewdie's with new found hunger. Cry pulls Pewdie's shirt off. Cry toy's with Pewdie's nipple with his tongue.

"Ah! Fuck," Pewdie moans, "fuck me, Cry".

Cry blushes, "I don't know how". (FOR FUCK SAKE CRY!)

Pewdie rolls over and pins Cry to the bed. His head disappears under the sheets as he moves down Cry's slender frame. Pewdie pulls off his pants and boxers in one swift motion.

"Oh god, Felix, I'm not sure- Ah!" Pewdie takes Cry's dick in to his mouth. Cry has one hand knotted in Pewdie's hair and the other clawing at the head board. "Aw, fuck, that feels good".

(WHOAH! HOLD YOUR HORSEPOWERS! Lemme get this straight:
Pewdiepie is sucking Chaoticmonkis dick...

THIS GUY

IS SUCKING THIS GUYS

...

)

Cry's body shake with pleasure as his cum erupts in to Pewdies mouth. He promptly spits it out.

"That's disgusting!" he exclaims, how do chicks swallow that shit?" (Ey, it's not that we like it that much either...)

Cry laughs, rolling over. His skin is covered in sweat and radiant with after glow. Pewdie cradles his head between his neck and shoulder, an arm draped on top of him.

"This is nice," says Pewdie, "we don't have to leave. We can just stay like this forever".

Cry turns around to face his friend, "yes, but tickets and air fare cost a shit ton, so we better enjoy it while it's here".

"I'd rather enjoy something else," Pewdie leans in to kiss Cry on the lips.

Cry pulls away, his breath heavy, "Or we could stay".

Pewdie smiles, bringing Cry's lips to his once more.

…

…

 BARRELS!

Just gonna rant for a bit, 'kay?

So.
A while ago, there was this video that got pretty famous in Sweden, of a kid getting dragged around by a dog of the breed "Rottweiler".
Everyone demanded the dog to be put down. Why? Because people are retards, that's why!
First I'm gonna talk about Rottweilers:

Y'all se this bitch? This is one of our dogs: Anni. She's three years old, I bet she weighs around 50 kg. She's VERY large for a she-Rottweiler. And she's the biggest pansy known to world.
Rottweilers, if raised properly, is one of the "best" dog breeds in the world. They're loyal, brave, beautiful (yet drooly), intelligent, loves to work and they seem to believe that they're pocket sized because Rottweilers are one of the biggest, cuddliest lap-dogs ever. You sit in our couch and you'll be accompanied by a 50 kg Rotty bitch within a few seconds.
However, they've got a VERY high need of psychological, physical and mental stimulation. Which make them into the wrong type of dog to keep in a small apartment in the middle of a city.
Rotties are also VERY easy to switch on to "play mode".

Now, I'll show you the video I was talking about. However, if I were you I'd lower the volume on your speakers/headphones, because the little drama queen screams like he's getting anally raped by a grizzly bear.

Now, I bet you see a horrible, psychotic murdercreature spawned from Hell. What I see, as an Animal Welfare student who focuses on dogs and dog-psychology (and can understand animals better than humans), is a young, but poorly raised, Rottweiler fully engaged in play mode.
The body language of the dog is IDENTICAL to when I play around with Anni. When we play, she grabs my arm and growls as she's trying to drag me around. And we're both having the time of our life. One time we started to wrestle in the middle of the bus-central, and the guards had to ask us to leave since some fucking bitch called the cops because she "was scared off my aggressive dog". Sure, I was in a public area, but I'd rather keep my dog occupied instead of going into "guarding mode", and give every dog she sees the death-glare.
The behavior the Rotty shows is a normal play-behavior for Rottweilers. They're very loud and rough when they play with each other, when Anni plays with her boyfriend, it sounds like their trying to maul each other. And since, judging from the mental health test the dog was forced to take after the incident, this dog is very poorly raised so he doesn't understand that he can't play with humans the same way he (or she) plays with other Rotties.
There's a LOT of things that makes me pissed off in this case, but not so much concerning the dog. For instance, you guys see the man walking the dog (he didn't own the dog, he was just walking it)? He's just walking away.
WHAT the actual FUCK, dude?! NOT okay, bro! NOT OKAY!
And second: how come no one's wondering what happened BEFORE  the video was shot? At least I haven't hear anything...
 Knowing how easily riled up Rotties are (especially young Rotties), the kid must've done something that put the dog in play mode.  I'm not saying that the kid did something wrong, but I'm having a hard time believing that the dog just lashed out randomly at a kid.
Besides, in that dogs eyes that kid is nothing but a puppy. And puppies are to dogs what cows are to Indians: sacred. There's a law amongst dogs that you DON'T hurt a puppy. You can scold it if necessary, but you NEVER attack a puppy with an intent to hurt it. Dogs that actually attack puppies do exist, but then I actually think that the dog in question should be put down. For it's own good! A dog that is so violent that it attacks puppies is clearly not well. I know someone who has a dog who actually is pretty aggressive, both to humans and dogs (including our neighbours puppy). And she's a white German Sheppard.
However, the mental health test this Rottweiler took said: "It's a good dog, but it need to be raised better".
Anyway, back to the issue:
People were basically SCREAMING after this video got out: "Put the dog down!" "This kind of dog shouldn't be allowed to exist!" "This is a fighting dog!"
... Fighting dog? Bitch please, a fighting dog is a dog that has been trained to attack other dogs, doesn't matter what breed it is. Rottweilers, Tosa and Dobermann are just as common as German Sheppards and Terriers. Hell, I bet they even use Chihuahuas! And besides, dog fights are NOT okay and does NOT reflect over a "figthing dog"s REAL nature! That's a perfect example of humanitys greed, and it's will to ruin lives just for the sake of money and for fun. Even though I fail to see the fun in it...
I get soooooo royally pissed off when people use the term "fighting dog". I know many consider it a legit group of dogs, since it's been in history for thousands of years and there ARE breeds who were created just for this purpose (A little quick note, Rottweilers doesn't belong in that group, Rottweiler belongs to the group "livestock guardians", along with Boxer. And they're still called fighting dogs. Strange, huh?). But it's still not right to call them fighting dogs.
Luckily, what I know at least, this dog is still alive and well. I hope her/his owners have gotten their thumbs out of their asses and teach this dog that humans are not like dogs. We are weaker than they and much frailer. We don't play by biting each other (except for the ones with weird fetishes).
We used to live in a suburban area in a city called "Kungälv" when Anni was a puppy. Our neighbours were so anti-Rotty that some even build fences around their homes JUST because we got a dog breed who just happens to have a bad reputation. Man, they pissed me off.
But now we live on a farm in the middle of nowhere near a city called "Borås". Thank God people aren't as paranoid here as they were in Kungälv.
However, there's one thing I just gotta say about Anni, before anyone gets the picture that she is a 100% angel dog who wouldn't hurt a fly: due to an unfortunate events that occurred in Kungälv, because of the peoples paranoia, she is now terrified of small dogs. And how does she meet them? Yes. She could be aggressive towards small dogs and some other bitches. But that's just because she's afraid of them, at least of the little ones. It's a real pity, because she actually is one of the kindest, nicest and silliest dogs I've ever met. She HAS gotten along with other Rottweiler bitches and some small dogs. But mostly she goes with the "I-better-bite-them-first-or-they-will-bite-me" attitude.
Anyway, the point I'm futily trying to make here is: Rottweilers are NOT murderous Hellbeasts that deserves to be extinct. There's nothing wrong with the Rottweiler from the clip, however the man who walked him/her deserves to have lego-blocks strapped to his feets for at least a month. Just walking away like that only builds up the Rottweilers already poor reputation.
Stop blaming the wrong end of the leash.
There are no bad dogs, only bad owners.

Sorry for all the cussing and bad words. Just wanted to vent my anger a bit here, b'cuz it's been bugging me for WEEKS! And the fact that they're referring this event to as a "Rottweiler attack" is just making me even more pissed.
I bet it wouldn't have been so dangerous if the dog in question had been a Terrier, or a Golden Retriever or something...
Oh, and the kid was unharmed, but scared. That should tell us something, right?

Storytime: Severus Snape, Professor and Lover

So, let's try this again, shall we?

 First of all, I actually have NO idea why I'm doing this. Either I gotta be the most bored out human being on earth, or just braindead.

So, the story I've picked for this maiden voyage is called "Severus Snape, Professor and Lover", Written by none other than the evil overlord of fanfiction himself: ComicsNix, whose evil and demented mind is only outdone by Abraxas.

I know this isn't the most original idea, running a fucked up fanfiction only to write witty comments in it. But being so inspired by Rob and his FFF over at Toplessrobot makes me wanna try this out myself. And my soul is already dead as it is so I probably won't be suffering as much as Rob does... Hopefully...

(Meh, who am I kidding? It's not like anyone will read this anyway)

I hope you've packed alot of alchohol and eye-bleach, because this will be one hell of a journey! Oh, and don't forget a bucket! You will soon find out why you'll need it...

Let's just get this over with so I can start the drinking, eh?

The Author – Hi people, I don't own Harry Potter and Telletubbies, but I think J. K. Rwling must think about doing a crossover. It would be very cool! (Well, the landscape in Teletubbies DOES remind me of when we were in England... Green, round hills that looks like bewbs y'know...)

Severus Snape, Professor and Lover (Just reading the title makes me wanna drill my eyes out with a spoon)

Severus Snape was very sad (SURPRISE). He was not having many pleasures doing lectues and teaching stuents anymore (Did he ever?). All those adventures happening at Hogwarts sucked the inner life from his bones...and he had nothing more to accomplish. He went to Dumbledor:

"Heaadmastet, I want to be expelled, I don't have what it takes to teach anymoire." (Dumbledore sighed. ”I've told you so many times, Snivellus! You CAN'T get expelled! You're a TEACHER! Not a student!”)

Dumbledore was puzzled:

"But Snepa, you are my best professor, you can't go and waste the knowlegde you have!"

"Oh Dumbledore...I'm so sad." said Snape putting the back of his hand on his forehead. (Oh the drama)

Dumbledor, the powerful and wiseful magus he wwas thought a solution:

"Okay Snape, I'll transfer you to another place, somewhere calm where you will help good creatures that have n o parents." (Here we go, bros! Fasten your seatbelts and hold on to your hats, for this will be a bumpy ride!)

Snape got greatful thatDumblerdo understood his feelings and pushed him to place less onerous to his advancing age. (Doesn't make any sense, you say? Ahaha, haha, HAHAHAHAHAHA!)

Snape took a train and after days, finally reached an colorful and wonderful place. It was the Tubbydome Supertronic (Don't you mean Telepolis? Or am I mixing it up with Detroit?), the place of dwee]lling of his new students. He reached there, and a periscophe welcomed him (Oh God, the periscophe! I think I'll call her GlaDOS!):

"Profwssor Snape, you arrived!!!!!!! The students waits you in the classroom."

Snape was still sad, but his powerful stomach got chills (… "His powerful stomach got chills"... Sometimes you have to repeat a sentence to really understand the stupidity of it!), because the mystery of novelty aproacches his comfort zone.

When Snape entered the classroom, four color creatues were there seatting on the chairs (Actually, creatures is probably the best way to describe the Teletubbies). They said to Snape:

"Eh-Oh!" (They're donkeys?) and Snape smilled, feeling his heart get full of ingnominous passion (One of the reasons I love ComicsNix: the similes... They are so bad it hurts, but it hurts in a good way!).

"Alright dear students, today, you will learn potion making." (Mandatory subject for every Teletubbie!)

"No, we want to learn how to be adult!" (Keep your buckets close, mates!) cried the four Teletubbies. They had live for many long inside that perfect bubble, only experimenting the baby joys of youth (They aren't missing anything, trust me. I am an adult... Or something). But every day was equal to them, not really happened at their house and life was boring.

When Snape arrive, a flash of hope filled their hearts with the promisse of life beyond the perfect prison they got trapped whne they got born. Only that dark robbed and pale skinned man can save the babies from this terrible fate.

 

 "But kids," said Seevrus "I must acomplish the curriculum!" (… Accomplish the curriculum?

)

"Oh professor, I'm dying from inside, don't let the evil periscophe suck the last remnants of humanity locked in my so fatal brokened heart" saaid the yellow Teletubbie, Laa-Laa, with a sensive voice, calling for a strong man to free her mind...her body. (Wow, who knew that Laa-Laa was so deep?)

Snape looked her, and felt somethnig funny inside his pelvis (No). It was a long time since the last time he shared a intimacy filled momnet with a woman (Nononnonono!). Snape was starting to break:

"But Teletubbies...if the periscophe woman watches us...how can we have privacy?" (Thank God for GLaDOS!)

The purple leader, Tinky Winky, got up and uttered with his powerful throat: (IMAGINE TINKY WINKY WITH SAMUEL L. JACKSONS VOICE!... DO IT!)

"I have a secret place professor. We can learn there and free ouselves from the bounds of madness that others inflicted upon us!" (The only one inflicting ”bounds of madness” here is ComicsNix...) said him hitting his chest with a clench hands. (Since when did TW become a freedom fighter? Or Tarzan?)

Snpae looked down, thought, and followed the purple leader. (IT'S A TRAP!) They opened a secret door inside their house, a door leading to the basement. (Above the entrance to the basement there were written with sloppy letters in white spraypaint: Free Candy!)

The place was full of rats and cockroaches. Water infiltrated the place and mold smell was present in dangerous quantities. A lot of earth and dirty was covering the place, and a hole in the wall could be seen. (ComicsNix is sooo amazing at describing the surroundings! It almost makes you feel as if you were there!)

"You are making a hole?"

"Yes Snape," said Tinky Winky, "we must escape, so we are creating a exit route to get out of the evil crunchs of the woman periscophe." (Sorry, but there's no escaping GLaDOS)

"Oh, I must help you Teletubbies."

"Prodfessor" said Laa-Laa, "first, teach us how to adult!"

Snape nooded in agreement. He, wth his wondrous magic wand created a giant bed, and some wine and cheese to acompany this iluustrious wisdom moment. (Alright, everyone got their buckets present?)

"Teletubbies, lay her with me, I'll teach you how to be a man. (FUCK! WHERE'S MY BUCKET??) Oh, but you Poo, aren't ready yet. You are too young baby. Stay here in the corner and play with you small hose. (Po playing with his ”small hose”... Good luck getting that image out of your head!)" and Poo got sad, but neverthless, he did what Snpe said and watched the others while they got teached. (”Teached”, apparently now another word for MOLESTED!)

"So" said Snap, "Laa-Laa, you make a pair with me. Tinky-Winky, you go with Dipsy (Oh. My. God.). Watch me while I play with Laa-Laa and mimic my movements. This way you will learn." (OH MY GOD! IT HAS BEGUN!)

Snape them got on his kness and looked at the layied Laa-Laa. She was sweatting a bit. (Me too, sistah. Me too... Out of FEAR!)

"Don't be afraid small yellow girl, just spread your legs." (Snape just said that to the yellow Teletubbie... Wrap your brain around it, while it still works...) and she did. An engorged vagina shine at her crotch (It's shiny??), but it was full of cotton yellow pubic hair (Shiny AND hairy?!). Snape picked up a scissor and cut it. (Just use the fucking lawnmower, you twit!)

"Snape" said Dipsy "Tinky Winky have no crotch mouth, but a very strange tongue. It's filled with purple wrinkled skin!" (And you've got one exactly the same! Double-twit!)

"Oh Dispy, he don't have crotch mouth. But behind him, you will find a pork's eye (… A what?). Don't be afraid, it's dirty, but after a while you will like the fine flavor of melted chocolate covering your lips." (God help us all...)

Dipsy turned Tinky Winky, and the purple Telletubbie revealed his deep purple anal hole.

"What I do?" asked Dipsy. (First, you turn around 180 degrees. Then you start screaming and runs out of this hellhole as fast as you can)

"The same I will do with Laa-Laa, don't be afriad. Tinky Winky will scream and moan, but you must go on. " said Snape with a calm and softfull deep voice. (Imagine Alan Rickman saying it in the ”turn-to-page-394” voice! Hey, if I have to do it, SO DO YOU!)

"Oh professor" said Laa-Laa with a moaning lustful voise, "I think I peed myself. I'm feeling moist." (I wanted to pee myself by the end of this story...)

"No Laa-Laa, you not pee. You only are happy that I'm here."

"Seriously?" (My thoughts exactly!)

"Yes. Now...suck my index finger" and she did.

And Snape unclothed himself. His pale shiny penis appeared and all of the Teletubbies got impressed. His nut sack was very white and hairy and exhalled a snake oil parfum essence (I wonder what snake oil smells like? Wait! No! Wtf am I doing?). Laa-Laa felt a jolt of pleusre down her antenna. 

"Now boys, do as I do" and them, Snape introducted his wizard wondrous penis (LOL!) inside Laa-Laa. She screamed:

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" and a flush of yellow blood (She's an insect?) got expelled from her now broken hymen. The yeloow blood covered Snake, and he rubbed himself with that sticky liquid. (… Yes. That just happened...)

"Prodessor" moaned loudly Laa-Laa, "isn't this wrong? I'm feeling so dirty." (Yes! It IS wrong! And you BOTH will burn in hell for this!)

"No Laa-Laa, don't be ashamed. When you bit the forbidden fruit, the knowlegde will fullfil you inner most desires. Be my Eve!!!"

 and Snape punch her uterus with his roquefort penis (Am I the only one who start thinking about the mouse in Aristocats? Isn't his name Roquefort?... Oh God, just let this madness end already!). The Teletubbie girl moans more and smilles her face.

Dipsy do the same on Tinky Wonky, puncturing the purple asshole with the green penis he is so proud of (Except that he didn't even know what it was a few seconds ago...)

 . Tinky Winky screams:

"AAAAHHHH! You hurts me my dear friend!!! Stop, I cannot withstand your protuberant obelisk of delectation!” (Oh the similes! THEY BURNS!)

"I can't" said Dipsy with a condensending voice "professor said I must go on with our journey throughout the steps towards a greater understanding about our true nature as alienated species from our parenthood." 

"Tinky Winky was suffering the destiny of those under the yoke of their own expectations. But Snape was wise and appealed:

"Dipsy, use your bodly fluids to appease the sorrow of your roost companion." (I've read this story two times before, but I'm still not processing what it is that's actually happening...)

Dipsy them spit on his hand an immense gob of putrid mucus. It was green as his body and full of dancing crawlers that were enjoying the hot abode that was his nostrils (ComicsNix has the talent to describe things in a way that could make Arnold Schwarzenegger cry...). Dipsy covered his fluffy hard penis (ARGH! IT'S FLUFFY!) with it and penetrated Tinky Winky again. This time, the purple one enjoyied.

"Ooohhohoohohhhhoohhhhh....." (EEUUUUPHOOOOORIAAAAAA!... Sorry, I just had to...)

Snape was funcking hard Laa-Laa. A lot of yellow blood continued to get ot her defilled vaginal daisy. The pain hurted her much (Great. My bucket is filled to the brim, now... ANOTHER!):

"Profezro, It aches my skin and negates the maturation you unleash inside my sacred womb." (… Did he/she/it mean his man-juice? When a male ejaculates, he doesn't do it directly into the womb. Silly virgin!)

"Be calm my yelloew student. After a while, no pain can touch you. Wait the massage of gods." 

 and she did. After a while, the orgasms started, and she had multiple ones. Her chest grew a pair of xanthous brests, and they lactated the nectar of the houses of holy. 

But she wasn't in her mature years yet (So Snape just molested a child? Lovely.), and her bowel controls were rudimentary (ComicsNix). The orgasms unleashed a cataract of pappy hot shit thru her untouched lutelous anus (Wat r u doin?). The slop of dung covered the bed and the smell was atroucious (ComicsNix). The flow was so intense, globs of shit splashed at Snape's legs and hit his pale and sweet face. (Stahp!)

"Ohhhhhh Laa-Laa" (Hahaha, Oh-la-la... *sob*) said Snape "finally, the cocoa honey bestow us with this feast of gormandized gut's contents!!!!!!!" (Page 394) and Snape rubbed his face with the black fetid hodge-podge (… Hodge-podge...) ooze Laa-Laa vomited with her anus (She vomited with her anus... I don't know if I'm crying or laughing right now!). It so was hot and disgusting that Snape vomited a mash of orange juice, bloody spaghetti and mama's chilli pepper over her lustful body (That's nothing compared with what I just hurled up!). It reached Laa-Laa vagina and burned it and splashed all over her tummy. She rubbed the vomit all over her belly and breasts and swallowed a good portion of it. (But I left that part out though...)

Laa-Laa is happy, she reached a new stage of illumination and now can let go her shame of being the mistress of a snake old man. (… All my AAAUWRGH!)

Dipsy took a portion of that hot boiling dung and deposited it inside Tinky-Winky's anus. Now, the penetration is complete. (OFCOURSE! A penetration isn't complete without dumbing a load of scat into your fuckbuddys ass!) They are enjoying the most complete recollection of human's past lives as beings dipping inside their own bodly properties.

"Snape" said Laa-Laa, "can I penetrate you too?" (Do it with a cactus)

Snape got pensive. He never thought about something so insulting to his manhood (Obviously, Snape has never heard about bronies), but the pleasure was so insane, he nooded with a moan:

"Yeeeeesssssss" and Laa-Laa prepared her finger full of vomit and macaroni strings. She moved slowly her index finger and prepared to penetrated it...and she did!!!! The finger entered Snape left nostril and started to fuck it. She was fast and didn't want to lose time. (What? Where else could she possibly shove up her pastabarf-covered finger?)

As Laa-Laa fucked Snape's nose (”Laa-Laa fucked Snapes nose”, I love that sentence), the vomit in her nails entered it and he breathed it. He gaged and coughed the bloody puke and it hit Laa-Laa's eyes, but she laughed. (Laa-Laa is a fucking psycho! But, that's not exactly news now, is it?)

Laa-Laa them put her other index finger inside the other Snape nostril (DOUBLE PENETRATION MOTHERFUCKER!), and he felt the pleasure more intense. Laa-Laa's tits lactated like no other in the world, like a fountain of milk and passionate dung (DaYUM! Gurl ya WAILD BITCH!!). The milk and shit shower was so intense it reached Poo, that was at a corner masturbating to the whole scene (Just like ComicsNix). He drink the shitty covered milk and peed himself in pleasure. Even a small Telletubie have the right to fell the magnificent joy of the motherly nourishment coming from his sister's breasts. (That's kinda true, I guess...)

Now, Snape is ready to cum. He grabs his penis and fell the throobing coming...and them...the cum-tastic delight goes out of his powerful snake hose and fills Laa-Laa's small vagina with a gorgeous and thunderstriking goo that overflows her and wash the last pureness that yellow and sexy body had one day. (… Cumtastic?)

She cums too, and now, she is a complete fl, a yelow and tasty alien woman girl with nice and softly cotton breasts. Her Telletubbie body got gorugeously tasty an even her brothers think she is delicious now that she have breasts. 

 (I think I'll overuse this guy... He'll be like my Toht)

Dipsy cums inside Tinky Winky too, and the two cotton alien boys now discover what it takes to make a real action hero. (Captain America, are you taking notes here?)

"Boys" said Snape "you have graduated (From the Dafuq-did-I-just-read-Academy). You now are full fledged mature and responsible adults. You can take care of your own butts and do with it all you deserve." 

Poo was a little sad, but she know her time will come. (Wait a minute! Her? HER?? PO WAS A HER ALL THIS TIME?! WITH A DICK?!”... Oh ComicsNix, you silly thing)

"Snape" said Tinky Winky rubbing his cum covered and hurting ass "We must escape, the perischope woman is already searching for us, because we haven't returned to sleep." (I don't think that's why she's mad at you...)

"Okay Tinky-Winky, you lead the way" and the Telletubbies and Snape followeed Tinky-Winky's down the hole they excavated. The cave was very dark and long, but Snape used his wand to iluminate the way. (Guess which wand he uses...)

As they walked, down the cave, a light at the end of the tunnel was near, and they raced towards it. But someone was expecting them. A figure was facing the cave, with his back turned against the light out of the tunnel.

"You shall not pass." said the voice (Gandalf?)

"Who are you?" askjed Snape

"I'm very disappointed with you Snape. I thought you had a rocky shadow heart. But it seems I'm wrong. It was a mistake sending you here to placate these little rainbow bastards. A mistake I'm going to correct." (Gandalf.)

"Wait, I know that voice...it's---" and them, the figure emerges from the light, create a flowing flame around him, and his face is revealed. It's Dumbledore!!!!! (Close 'nuff...)

"No! You!" shouted Snpae.

"Yes, me!"

(Why us?!)

"Why do you want with the Telletubbies?"

"Oh, you don't know? They are Death Eaters Snape! We must kill them!" (That would actually make sense...)

"Death Eaters? That's impossible!"

"No..." said Tinky-Winky "it's true. We worked to Voldermot." (Just think about it!)

Snape got awed:

"No.......why?"

"Voldermort promissed that he would free our homeland from the dementors horde invasion. But, as we worked for him and infiltrated inside the Hogwarts, Dumbledore caught us. Now he absorbs our energies to fuel his mecha-bulldozer that---" (Hmm... I don't think I saw that episode...)

"Shut the fuck up!" cried Dumbledore. "You now will die!"

"No, I will not permit!" said Snape. He created a strong bound with those aliens, and he can't let them die, even if they are working for the enemy. (C'mon! You had a one night stand, bro!)

"So" said Dumbledor "you will die too!" and Dumbledore invoke the killing speel from his wand. But them, Yinky-Winky, from the bottom of his purse, pulled out a Colt 45 Revolver (That sentence is probably the ONLY thing that makes any godamn SENSE in this BULLSHIT!) and shoot Dumbledore, but the wizard deflected the bullet.

"HA, you cannot kill me!"

"Snape, go, save the Telletubbies, I'll buy you time!" cried Tikny-Winky.

"No!" shout Laa-Laa "we can't let you die here!"

"But you must, our he will kill us all and no one will can save our homeland!!!" and the Tinky-Winky advanced in the Dumbledore's direction shooting rapid bullets at him. (I don't remember the Teletubbies to be this epic! Seriously, TW shooting Dumbledore with a .45 Colt?!)

Snape used his wand and started to drill a hole in the cave, circumventing the vicious battle happening near the entrance. Snape and the Telletubbies managed to drill another hole out some feet awya from the confrontation and gotout of the cave. They raced away from it, and at some distance, they saw Tinky-Winky shooting Dumbledore:

"Dubledor!!!!" cried Tinky-Wink. He picked a hand grenade, pulled the pin, threw it at Dumbledore and shout "Die BASTAAAAAAAARD!!!!" (Harry Potter and the Clusterfuck of Insanity)

"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" and the cave exploded, lauching debris all over the place.

"Fast Telletubbies," said Snape "HIDE!!!!" and they did. A lot of rock felt from the sky and fumes and dust covered everywhere.

"Tinky-Winkyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!" cried the three Telletubbies, and Laa-Laa tried to run and find her purple brother, but Snape prevented:

"No, you can't! This place is unstable, we will die staying here!!!" cried Snape and the earth started to shake. They raced away from the crumbling Tubbydrome Supertronic, avoinding the falling rocks and the posion flower that attacked them. (Argh, the poison flowers. They sure are a pain in the ass, aren't they?)

After a while, they reached a safe haven.

Laa-Laa was very sad and crying much:

"Why? Why we let him die Snape?" (Because fuck you. Thats why!)

"Oh Laa-Laa, he saved us and was his desire that we escaped."

"But it is not fair..." (Life's a bitch and then you die. Get used to it, hun!)

"I know...I know" and Snape hugged Laa-Laa, and the other Telletubbies did it too. (And then they gangbanged. THE END!)

Now, these four heroes must find a way to save the Telletubbie planet from the horde of dementors that are trying to invade and conquer the place, slaving all of the millions of telletubbie inhabitants (WHAT?! There's more of these horrifying bastards?! HELL NO!). Who is behind all this (He's known as ComicsNix, the bringer of chaos)? Is Voldermort involved (That's possible.)? And Snape and Laa-Laa? Will they be together till the end? (No. They will die from syphilis and go to hell!)

Snape says:

"Laa-Laa, I promisse, we will avenge your brother..." (No you won't! Goodnight!)

The End?

(YES! GOODNIGHT!)

Argh, I can't believe I actually did this voluntarily... But I actually like bad fanfics more than the few good ones that actually exists.

I don't know why, but the numbing pain in my brain that I feel every time I read another excruciating fanfic is kinda soothing. It dulls out the world, sort of like weed. Reading fanfics is like getting high on weed, and after a fic like this, you'll be able to hear flavors.

I know ComicsNix is a troll, but that still doesn't change the fact that he is the evil God of Fanfiction. And seriously, you've gotta have a pretty messed up mind to imagine Snape fucking the SHIT (quite literally) outta Laa-Laa!

Oh, and no disrespect meant to Captain America! I love and respect Cap just as much as everyone else!

Expect more of this bullshit, maybe not something from ComicsNix, but there's plenty of (hysterically fucked up) fanfictions on ze internetz

... Fml...

 

It has begun...

So, this is just probably another one of my crazy possibly long-shot, and soon to be abandoned, ideas.
Me, Niko, starting a blog.
Hell has now officially frozen over...

Nevermind, this'll be a blog where I'll write anything. A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G! So if you're that kind of assmunch who gets butthurt for everything, then gtfo and crawl back into the dark hole where you came from. Your kind do not belong here.

Meh, who am I kidding, people will always complain...
Oh, and the main reason I created this is because I noticed my fanfic commentaries would probably be too epic for fanfiction.net (seriously, I've uploaded two stories and both were taken down in a matter of days. In other words: AWESOME :D!), so this is where they'll show up. Beginning with my pearl: Severus Snape, Proffessor and Lover by ComicsNix himself, the evil overlord of fanfiction.
And lemme just say this; it's not the kind of story you'd read to your children at night, unless you want them to be traumatized schizos, even after 20 years of therapy.

But that'll ofcourse happen as soon as I've figured out how this fucking shit works!
I keep getting raped in the eyeballs by this stupid blog-bullshit, and there seems to be nothing I can do about it.
Ffs, can't tell if I'm technologically retarded or this part of the internet just hates me and wants me to gtfo...


Lulz, I have no idea what I'm doing...

See ya kids ~

Oh and remember:

You are Woodys favorite deputy...