Lemme rant about bullying...

So, I thought maybe I should write something serious for once. Y'know, as a refreshing change!
Todays subject: bullying.

A someone who's been bullied ever since motherfucking daycare, I know what it's like to go to school everyday, full of fear. And having parents who doesn't believe you aren't exactly doing much to help (although my mom was the only one who cared, but she's schizofrenic and believes our neighbours are the heads of the Swedish Mafia or something, and she's been pregnant with twins for like, five years now or something... Oh and according to her I've got like, five children and a husband in Africa... Yeah, seems legit).
I went to the worst school in human history with unfair and retarded teachers who blamed the children if they didn't learn. And the anti-bullying system sucked major donkey balls, as we were told to tell the teachers everytime someone got bullied. NOT try to intervene, TELL THEM! And how did the teachers handle the bullers? Maybe talked to them. Maybe. If they weren't busy drinking coffee. Svenska föräldrar: LÅT INTE ERA BARN GÅ PÅ NOLSKOLAN I ALE! ELLER PÅ HIMLASKOLAN! SÄMSTA JÄVLA SKOLORNA EVER!
I'll just spare you all the whining and complaining about my bad life and the fact that I've been trying to kill myself since fifth grade. But not anymore.
You know what?
Because one day I just said: Dude, wtf are you doing?!
Now? I'm laughing at them all. Laughing them RIGHT UP THEIR FUCKING, UGLY AS SHIT FACES!! I used to be ultra self-conscious, but now I'm going shopping the cities with steel plated rubber boots and wrangler jeans like the motherfucking farmer I am. And you know what? I. Don't. Give. A. Shit.

And that's what I think every bullied person should do: turn around, fart the bullies in the face and strut out of there like Leonardo Motherfucking DiCaprio:

 Sure, you might get beat up about it. But if that happens, FART IN THEIR GENERAL DIRECTION ONCE AGAIN!  BULLYERS DESERVES TO BE FARTED AT!
I know! Anyone with twitter who reads this: create the hashtag #FartingAtBullies
Pretty please?

Oh, and while I'm at it, Imma talk a bit about Amanda Todd.
I bet everyone here is painfully aware of that girl and what she did. And I can't exactly say I feel sorry for her.
This is all I can say about her:

Really, gurl? REALLY?

First: Fellow individuals of the female sex, DON'T show your bewbs for anyone on the internet. NEVER! NOTHING on the internet stays a secret! Everything that happens on the internet, GETS OUT EVERY FUCKING WHERE! So if you don't want things like that to be used against you, DON'T. FUCKING. SHOW. YOUR. TITS! No matter how much the boys are flattering you! Something that gets out on the internet, stays there FOREVER!
Same thing goes for this Giovanna chick who sucked her own tampon and became sad because people bullied her for it... Well, what did you expect? To win the Nobel Peace Award and be crowned Miss Universe??... Btw, did she really kill herself for that?! Cheezus!
Second:  YOU LITTLE FUCKING EGOISTIC, SELF-CENTERED, COWARDLY ATTENTIONWHORE! The reason I never really succeeded with killing myself, is that I hate being seen as weak. And killing yourself, especially for something a measly as that, is a BIG FUCKING SIGN OF WEAKNESS! Don't be a fucking coward and drink bleach just because you were faced with the consequences of your stupid actions! You've only got yourself to blame and DON'T cause your family and friends more suffering by killing yourself! Seriously, her family must've been devastated!
Third: She was like thirteen or something, and she flashed her bewbs for a bunch of strangers and slept with a guy that already had a girlfriend... Gurl, what the fuck? You're a fucking kid, TAKE A FUCKING CHILL PILL! You don't need a boyfriend when you're ten!
Fourth: And parents, WHAT THE DOUBLE FUCK?! Don't let your child do these things! GROW A SPINE AND SAY NO TO YOUR KIDS! No other animal in nature treats their children likes kings and allows them to do whatever they want, so WHY should humans?!  They're NOT happier just because you give them everything they want and follow their every command!
Fifth: I DO like turtles! Wait...
Sixth: Sure, it WAS wrong of those guys to ask her to flash them, and it WAS wrong of that guy to blackmail her like that. And it WAS wrong of those other teens to beat her up for sleeping with someone's boyfriends. But if she had a little bit more brains and didn't do any of that, those kinds of things wouldn't have happened!
Seventh: And she claimed that she didn't have any friends after that image of her flashing her milkjugs got out in her school, than I can easily say that if those "friends" cast her out because of that, then you're better of on your own. Those are not real friends. That's NOT what friends do!
Sure, my friends say that I'm kinda crude, vulgar, rowdy etc. But they KNOW I'd never ditch anyone of them for something like that! You gaise know that you'll NEVER get rid of me! I'll be like a wart in the arse, fucking ZIT IN THE NOSE to you gaise, and there's nothing you can do about it because I love you gaise <3
Eight: Shit, this list is getting long, isn't it?
Nine: And yes, I'm being a crude bitch to a dead girl now. And yes, I'm a bit of a hypocrite when it comes to my "Storytimes". Yes I do admit that I might be a bit mean to the authors in my Storytimes, but anyone with any sense of humor should know I'm just doing it for shits and giggles. I mean no offense to fanfic writers, as I've actually got a bunch of fanfiction writing friends. And most of them are really good and even gotten me hooked on their stories!
You like to write fanfictions? GO ON! It's nothing wrong in that! Don't worry about me and my snarky comments! It's just that some stories are a bit... yeah... freaky...
Ten (last one, I swear!): Why are people bullying? It's actually pretty normal, natural even! Bullying is common in nature, it's a survival instinct that drives individuals to sort out other individuals that might slow down or cause harm or danger to the rest of the flock/herd/clan etc, like old, sick, albinos etc.
But humans are the only animal that does it for fun, or to suppress their own sadness. You've got problems at home? Talk to someone about it! DON'T take it out on someone else! What if that person has it just as rough at home like you? Or even worse?!
It doesn't matter if you're a big manly man with chest hair that could put Chuck Norris to shame (pfft, that's bullshit, I know! NOTHING is mightier than Chuck Norris' chest hair!) and a mustache equal to Hulk Logan's; just go talk to someone! ANYONE! May I suggest a pet? Animals doesn't judge like humans do, and they are usually WAY better listeners! I admit that I like to talk to my animals, especially when there's something heaving me down or if I'm having a bad day.

Bullying has many forms. I've been through most of them: physical, psychological, mental, via internet etc. But I've decided that it's something in the past, and something that should be laughed at! I mean, just think of all the losers that soon one day will be taking your order at Burger King! Recognize that guy behind the desk in Starbucks as the mofo that pushed you down the stairs?  Tell him your name is "Amgay" when ordering a barista. Immature as Hell, I know, but it'll be funny!
I know bullying will NEVER be eliminated, how much some people like to think so, but let's at least make life awkward for the ones who do bully, amiright?!

What I'm trying to say with all this, DON'T let the bullers break you down! Laugh at them instead, for not realizing how stupid they are for picking on you! Turn around, FART as loud and disgusting as you can and BE PROUD OF IT!
And most importantly: Don't be a bully yourself! You won't make anyone happy! Least of all yourself!... Ahum, says the one who writes Storytimes and can't get over how much Honey Boo Boo looks like a beluga whale...
Anyway, to commit suicide because you're bullied is even more wrong! That's just selfish and cowardly! Plus, by killing yourself; the bullies will WIN! And we don't want them to win now, do we?

Anyway, that's all for me! PEACE OUT! And yes, tonight I'm extremely obsessed with farting...

Burrowing Owls

Alright, this is the most worthless and unnecessary shit I've ever posted, and I'm doing this for two reasons:

1. I'm bored outta my mind

2. I'm having the WORST sugar-rush in my life, as me and my freakshow family just celebrated my youngest brothers birthday, and consumed more sweets and snacks and shit I've ever done this year (Which has only been 26 days so far so I'm expecting a record-breaker sometime later this year)

3. I fucking love burrowing owls

...

Okay, that was three reasons, but who gives a fuckeroo?

Seriously  gaise, look at this cheerful fucker!

THE PICTURE OF HAPPINESS!

And not to mention those intelligent as FUCK eyes!

I just found a new friend for my Storytimes!

I think I'll call him... Steve.

"Ya-gotta-be-kidding-with-me-Steve"

That awkward moment when you realize...

You're the only one who hears the music on your iPod...

Bitch, I'm FABULOUS!

I have done...

A terrible mistake...

It's dangerous to go alone

Here! Take this with you!

Excuse me, sir?

But do you have a moment to hear about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?

LOL! Fucking retard!

You're upside down, asswipe!

Wanna know another animal I love?

Hyenas.

Omg, this made me laugh so hard :D

YOU'RE fabulous?

Bitch don't make me laugh!

Duude! Turn off the lights!

I can't smell the music!

Oh my shit, my humor is so bad right now...

I should just quit while I'm a HEAD!

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!

Storytime: Cupcakes Ep 2

Today is Monday, and you all know what that means:

CUPCAKES! 

 

In honor of today, I have baked a batch of cupcakes which I will stuff myself with while I do this.

No. You may not have one.

I hope you remember last episode, cause I will NOT repeat it!

Cupcakes: part 2...

Dash awoke with a gasp. The stench of her urine filled her mucus caked nostrils. As her vision swam into focus, she saw a very pouty Pinkie Pie removing a large adrenaline needle from her chest. Stomping her hooves, the frustrated Pinkie lashed out at her helpless victim.

“Didn’t anybody teach you any manners? It’s very rude to fall asleep when somebody invites you over to spend time with them. How would you like it if I came over to your house and went to sleep? ‘Oh I’m sorry Dash, you’re so boring I think I’ll take a nap.’ You think I like always doing this by myself? I told you how excited I got when I found you were next. I was excited to have a friend be here with me while I worked. But NOOOOO! You’ve got to be inconsiderate. You know, I thought you were tough. I thought you could handle anything. I’ve had foals stand up better than you!  Do I have to baby you? Huh? Is that how you want me to remember you, as a baby?”

(Actually Pinkie, I think you might be overreacting a tad. I mean, getting skinned alive IS rather painful, and fainting IS a natural response)

As Pinkie stopped to catch her breath, Dash blinked and sobbed softly. Her back was in agony, her sides were on fire, and there was an intense pain in one of her legs. As she blinked again, she saw Pinkie pop something red into her mouth and began to chew. Noticing Dash’s stare, Pinkie quickly gulped the morsel down.

(I'll give a cupcake if you can guess what it is!)

“What?” Pinkie asked. “Oh, this?” She held up another piece. “Well, while YOU were asleep, I got a little impatient and helped myself to a small sample. I got it from your leg; you’re not bad. Wanna try some?”

Without waiting for a response, Pinkie shoved the strip of meat into the revolted pegasus pony’s mouth. Dash gagged, and immediately spit it out. Pinkie frowned, and picked up the chunk of flesh. “If you didn’t want it, you could have said no.” She contemplated the discarded snotty morsel, then gulped it up. “It’s not like you haven’t had my cupcakes before.”

(Here, you can have my cupcakes anyway. I think I just lost my apetite...)

Swallowing, Pinkie turned her attention to a small can on the tray. She removed the lid, revealing that it was filled with red-hot coals. Lying on top of the coals were several large nails. As the adrenalin filled her veins, Dash began to panic again. Picking up the can, Pinkie walked over to Dash’s left. Holding some tongs with her mouth, Pinkie carefully picked up a nail and positioned it at the seam between her victim’s front left leg and hoof. She then grabbed a hammer and took careful aim.

“No Pinkie!” Dash screamed. “NO! NO!”

(”YOU FORGOT THE SHOE, DUMBASS!”)

The hammer came down and the nail punctured Dash’s skin. The white hot burning was too much.  Dash screamed as she pulled and thrashed at the braces, causing her raw skin to rub and tear. Pinkie tried to line up another nail, but couldn’t find her aim, and let out a frustrated grunt. When Pinkie brought the hammer back to take a wild swing, Dash burst out crying and begging.

“PLEASE STOP! PLEASE, PLEASE STOP!”

Pinkie rolled her eyes.  Putting down the hammer and tongs, she walked back in front of her friend and stared pensively at the broken pegasus. Gilda didn’t even cry this much when she had a live parasprite stuffed down her throat. Pinkie thought for a minute about what to do next, then had a sudden spark of inspiration.

(Oh that rascal! What is Pinkie up to now?)

Rotating a wheel on the rack, Pinkie laid Dash on her back, then moved to Dash’s hind legs, bringing the can with her. Picking up her tools, Pinkie drove a searing hot spike of metal directly into the bottom of Dash’s hoof. As Dash yelled in pain, Pinkie moved around and drove a second nail into the other hoof. Next, Pinkie went back to her cart and located an enormous battery and controller, which she dragged over to where she was working. She tied copper wires between the terminals and the nails driven into Dash’s hooves, then gave Dash a wink and flipped the switch.

(Oh Pinkie Pie, you're so random!)

Electricity rocketed through Dash’s body. The blue pony reacted immediately; her body seized, and her muscles snapped taut. Dash’s hips thrust skyward, her eyes rolled back, and she let out a deep, throat shredding cry. Pinkie giggled and danced in place, then reached down and turned up the juice. Dash convulsed uncontrollably, and her bladder emptied once more.

(You know, Dashie. You could get help for that...)

After about five minutes, Pinkie shut off the power. Wisps of steam rose from the singed fur around Dash’s hooves, and the area reeked of cooked flesh and burnt enamel.  Pinkie rotated Dash upright again and tried snap the drooling, delirious pony back to attention.

“Dash? Dash! Rainbow Dash, wake up!” Dash moaned and managed to give a modicum of weak acknowledgment.  Pinkie studied her handiwork, then reached into the medicine bag and produced a large syringe. “Alright, time for the last round.”

Dash focused blearily on the needle, which Pinkie took as a question as to what it was.

“This is a little something to take the pain away,” Pinkie informed Dash as she walked around to her victim’s ruined back. Dash flinched as Pinkie jabbed the needle into the lower part of the blue pony’s spine. Moving in front of her friend again, Pinkie leaned down and elaborated.

“In a few minutes, you won’t be able to feel anything below your ribcage. Then you’ll be able to stay awake to watch the harvest.”

Dash started to cry again. “Pinkie?” she choked out.

“Yeah?”

“I want to go home,” Dash sobbed.

(WUSS!)

“Yeah, I can see wanting to do that,” replied the party pony. “Sometimes, I just wanna give up, just say ‘I’m done with this mess’ and go to bed. But you know what? You can’t shrug off your responsibilities. You got to pull yourself up and meet the challenges head on. That’s the only way you’re gonna get ahead in life.”

Dash hung her head and cried.

Minutes passed as the drug took effect. Eventually, Dash was completely numb from her chest to her flanks. At this point, Pinkie approached with a scalpel. Glancing at Dash and smiling, Pinkie made a long horizontal cut across the pegasus pony’s pelvis, just above her crotch. Moving up Dash’s body, Pinkie made a similar incision under her ribs. Finally, Pinkie made a long vertical cut down Dash’s stomach, connecting the first two.

(You know that scary part I was talking about in episode one? It's here. The real insanity starts here. And it's wonderful!)

“Looks like I got my ‘I’ on you, Dash,” Pinkie giggled.

With a moist, gooey sound, the flaps of skin opened. The sight of her own organs and the lack of feeling caused Dash’s breathing to intensify. Pinkie carefully sliced open Dash’s abdominal sac and grabbed her large intestines. As she separated the organ from the rest of the digestive tract and pulled it out of the new cavity, Pinkie grew jovial. Laughing as she gutted her friend, Pinkie began to make jokes. Dash, growing weaker from this new source of blood loss, tried desperately to shut out the macabre comedy act.

(Is there something wrong with me for actually laughing here?)

“Look at me, I’m Rarity!” Pinkie laughed, slinging the intestinal tube around her neck and spraying blood in all directions. “Isn’t my new scarf soooo pretty?”

Reaching back inside, she sliced the smaller intestine off from the bowls. Squeezing out the excess excrement, Pinkie filed the slimy organ through her teeth and dragged it back and forth. “Dentists say you gotta floss every day, Dash.”

Dash was barely aware of what was going on anymore. The shock was causing her to fade. Disappointed, Pinkie dived back into the blue pony’s guts, ramping up her routine.

“Aw, don’t go yet Dash.” Pinkie started pulling out the rest of Dash’s organs, pausing with each removal. “I know I can be a real pancreas, but you know I’m just kidney with you. You really got to learn to liver it up. Boy, these jokes are getting bladder. Guess ya gotta develop a stomach for them.”

Pinkie placed the discarded body parts into a bucket, keeping the last one for bit longer. “Ooo, bagpipes.” she said, placing the end of Dash’s esophagus in her mouth and the stomach in her armpit. She squeezed, and a spurt of acid hit her tongue. “Eww! Oh hey look, there’s your cupcake, Dash!”

(Yes. I'm actually laughing. This might be a sick and twisted persons desperate cry for help, but c'mon! This is actually some quality humour a la Pinkie Pie :D!)

Dash didn’t hear her tormentor. She had slipped from conciseness minutes ago. Pinkie, not yet satisfied, hit Dash with another adrenaline shot. Dash woke up for the last time, her heart pounding. Warm blood flowed out from the wound in her chest in great spurts. It wouldn’t be long now.

Pinkie brought Dash around onto her back again and straddled the blue pony’s chest, scalpel at the ready.

(This is part known as ”Sudden Death”... SEE! I CAN MAKE JOKES TOO :D!

...

...

...

 

“Ya know, Rainbow Dash, I’m disappointed. I thought you would have lasted longer. I really wanted to spend more time with you before we got here. But I guess it’s my fault; I should have taken it a little slower. Oh well. It was really was nice knowing you, Dash!”

(Oh, Pinkie! You really should learn to slow down, take things as they come! GO WITH THE FLOW! CHILLAX!)

The blade sunk into the blue throat and worked its way up to Dash’s chin. Coming back down, Pinkie’s scalpel then circled Dash’s neck. The last thing Rainbow Dash felt was her skin being cut away from her skull, and the metal of the blade scraping her teeth.

Then she was gone.

(Actually, RD is one of my favorite ponies, but I actually like this story. But then again, I think movies like The Blair Witch Project are cozy, and Saw is hilarious so... Yeah. There might be something wrong with me...)

Pinkie Pie stared into the mirror. She had done a really good job, even keeping the eyelids. She winked, and Dash winked back. Pinkie smiled.

But still, she was sad that her friend was now gone. Dash had only lasted fifty minutes, not nearly as long as Pinkie had wanted. She looked back at the cadaver hanging in the center of the room, the last of her friend’s fluids draining into a pan. Yup, no more Rainbow Dash.

(What makes you say that?!)

As she looked, Pinkie cocked her head. She began to take notice of the fact that there really wasn’t much damage to the corpse. “It fact,” the pink pony mused, “I think….” An idea exploded in her head. She was good at sewing and she had all the pieces, all she had to do was put them back together. Yeah, she just had to get some stuffing and bingo, she’d have Rainbow Dash forever. In fact, thought Pinkie, that’s what she’d do for all her best friends when their numbers came up. She was so excited, she skipped right over to the body with her skinner to get started. The cupcakes could wait; Pinkie Pie had a friend to make.
(THATS RIGHT! Always look at the bright side!)
…
Yup, that was the legendary tale ”Cupcakes”.
Great Scott...
ANYONE UP FOR SOME VODKA?!

Storytime: Cupcakes

...

I have an excuse for not writing SHIZZ for like WEEKS. My excuse? It's awesome: I'm too fucking lazy to activate the hotspot on my phone so I can use it to get on the internetz because we DON'T HAVE ANY INTERNET WHAT SO EVER BECAUSE WE LIVE ON A FARM THAT'S BALANCING ON THE EDGE OF THE WORLDS END!

But see this as an apology: 

Ladies and mentlegen, may I present a very special fic: Cupcakes.

This is a legendary tale, circulating the Brony fandom. Either you hate it, or you love it. I am actually of the latter kind. This was written by Sergeant Sprinkles (”World's Greatest Party Clown”) and edited by Edinpony, I have no idea where, when or why. I'll let this little warning speak for itself:

WARNING: This fanfiction is incredibly gory, and may ruin your appreciation of a certain My Little Pony character as well as the titular baked goods.  READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

Yes. There's a lot of blood and gore in this shit. A LOT! So, if you didn't hurl constantly for three days after the SnapexLaaLaa Comicsfic, you might do it now...

This isn't a clopfic though, so don't worry; it's worse. Much, much worse.

There's no porn in here, it doesn't need any to be utterly psychologically fucked up anyways..

Cupcakes by Sergeant Sprinkles

The air was warm, the sun was shining, and everypony in Ponyville was having a glorious day. The town square was bustling and crowded and busy ponies filled the streets. All the pony folk seemed to have somewhere specific to be. All except Rainbow Dash; her place was in the sky. She tore freely through the air, speeding one way and the next, buzzing the tree tops and racing the wind. The blue pegasus swooped over a schoolyard, much to the delight of the children, then climbed several hundred feet and dove, streaking downward as fast as she could. Seconds before hitting the ground, her wings flew open and she pulled up back into the clear blue. Rainbow felt alive.

(Not for much longer)

Suddenly, Dash remembered that she had somewhere to be; she was supposed to meet with Pinkie Pie in five minutes. Dash had gotten so caught up in her exercises that she’d nearly forgotten that Pinkie had asked to meet her at Sugercube Corner at three. Pinkie hadn’t said why or what they’d be doing, but Dash knew that with Pinkie, it could be anything.

(With emphasis on ”anything”)

Dash wasn’t sure if she really wanted to go, though. She was so engaged with her stunts that she thought about blowing Pinkie off to continue flying. But, Dash’s conscience got the better of her. She knew that it would hurt Pinkie’s feelings; after all, Pinkie had said it was going to be something special just for the two of them. Dash considered it and thought “why not?” What did she have to lose? Heck, it might be more pranking. Pinkie might have found a bunch more fun stuff to pull on folks, and they’d had so much fun the last time. Dash kicked into overdrive to make up for lost time, and sped to her appointment.

When Dash walked into the store, she was immediately greeted by her host, who was bouncing in excitement.  “Yay, you’re here! I’ve been waiting aaall day,” said the jumping pony.

(Doesn't she just LOOK like the picture of psychological health??)

“Sorry if I’m a little late, Pinkie.  I was doing my afternoon exercises and lost track of time,” Dash apologized.

Pinkie giggled and responded in a gleefully reassuring tone, “Oh that’s ok, you’re here now. What‘s a few more minutes? I’ve been sooo excited thinking about all fun stuff we’re gonna do, I haven’t stopped bouncing since I woke up. I mean, I almost forgot to breathe I’ve been so happy.”

(Actually, that's just a normal day for Pinkie Pie)

Dash gave a slightly uncomfortable laugh. She had always appreciated Pinkie Pie’s friendly, outgoing way of life, but Pinkie’s overabundant enthusiasm almost creeped her out.

(Oh if you knew...)

 Dash maintained a polite expression, however. If Pinkie was this worked up, whatever she had planned must be good.

“So, you ready to get started, Rainbow Dash? I’ve got everything all ready,” the pink pony said.

Dash psyched herself up. “You betcha, Pinkie. So what do ya got planed? We gonna prank somebody? I got a couple of good ones I’ve been thinking about. Or maybe you’ve got some stunts you think I should try? Or perhaps…”

“MAKING CUPCAKES!” Pinkie happily announced.

“Baking?” Dash was disappointed. “Pinkie, you know I’m not good at baking. Remember last time?”

“Oh that’s not a problem at all. I only need your help making them. I’ll be doing most of the work,” Pinkie explained.

Dash thought for about it for a second. “Well, alright, I guess that’s ok. What exactly do you need me to do?”

“That’s the spirit. Here you go.” Pinkie handed Dash a cupcake.

Dash was puzzled “I thought I was helping you bake.”

“You will be. I made this one just for you before you got here.

“So, is this like taste testing or something?”

“Sorta,” Pinkie said.

(Jeezus Christ, RD! Keep that shit up and you're gonna get dateraped for sure!)

Dash shrugged and popped the pastry in her mouth. She chewed a bit and swallowed. Not bad.

“Ok, now what?” Dash asked.

“Now,” Pinkie informed her, “You take a nap.”

(And it's even more creepy if you imagine it in Pinkies voice...)

Puzzled, Dash opened her mouth but felt instantly lightheaded. A wave of dizziness washed over her, the world spun, and seconds later she collapsed to the floor.

When Dash regained consciousness, she found herself in a dark room. She tried to shake her head but found that a taut leather strap held it firmly in place. She struggled to move, but braces around her chest and limbs glued her to a rack formed from a series of sturdy planks, which spread her legs wide apart. Dash’s wings were the only part of her not tied down, and they fluttered frantically while she struggled to escape.  As she writhed, Pinkie jumped suddenly into her line of sight.

 

“Goodie, you’re awake. Now we can get started,” Pinkie stated gleefully. She bounded into the darkness, and quickly reappeared pushing a small cart covered with a cloth.

“Pinkie, what’s going on? I can’t move!” Dash said urgently.

“Well duh, that’s because you’re tied down,” chided Pinkie.  “That’s why you can’t move. I didn’t think you’d need to be told that.”

(Duh, RD! Sometime's you're just so dense!)

“But why? What’s happening? I thought you said I was going to help make cupcakes.”

“You are helping. You see, I ran out of the special ingredient and I need you to get more.”

“Special ingredient?” Dash was now breathing heavily and starting to panic. “What special ingredient?”

Pinkie giggled and responded “You, silly!”

(Oh well, at least it's not like the Human Centipede...)

Dash’s eyes widened, and her face contorted in fear. Then she started to laugh and said, in a voice bordering on hysteria, “Woo, you really got me there, Pinkie pie. I mean, tricking me in to thinking I’m gonna get made into a cupcake? I gotta tell you, this the best prank yet. You win, you’re the best.”

Pinkie only giggled even more. “Aw, thanks Dash. But I haven’t done any pranks today, so I can’t accept your praise.”

(… Serious Pinkie means serious business!)

Dash was struggling again. “Pinkie, come on, this isn’t funny.”

“Then why were you laughing?” Before Dash could answer, Pinkie grabbed the cloth and whipped it off the cart. On the cart was a tray containing various sharp medical tools and knives, carefully organized and wickedly sharp, as well as a large medical bag.

(No wait, this is EXACTLY like the Human Centipede!)

Dash was now in full panic mode. She was starting to hyperventilate. Her mind raced as she tried to reason with the pink pony. “You can’t do this Pinkie! I’m your friend!”

“I know you are and that’s why I’m so happy that I’ve got you here. We get to share your last moments together, just you and me.” Pinkie was skipping again.

(Pinkie has a weird sense of humour... But that's maybe a bit obvious?)

“But, the other ponies will wonder where I am. When the clouds pile up, they’ll come looking for me and then you’ll get found out,” Dash cried in desperation.

“Oh, Dash,” said Pinkie. “Don‘t worry, there are plenty of pegasus ponies to take care of a few clouds. And besides, no one will find out. I mean, how long do you think I’ve been doing this?” And with that ominous statement, the lights suddenly came to life and revealed the rest the room.

(Don't worry, the really scary shit will begin in a few moments!)

“Oh no.” Dash reeled in horror at the image presented to her. The room was decorated with a typical but twisted Pinkie Pie flair. Colorful streamers of dried entrails fluttered around on the ceiling, brightly painted skulls of all sizes were attached to the walls, and organs done up in pastels filled with helium were tied to the backs of chairs. The tables and chairs were made of bones and the preserved flesh of past ponies. Dash cringed upon seeing the center piece of the table nearest to her. The heads of four foals, their eyes closed as if they were sleeping, were wearing party hats made from their own skin. With a thrill of terror, Dash recognized one of them as Apple Bloom’s classmate Twist. Dash’s eyes darted back and forth and then fell upon a patchwork banner hanging from the rafters.  Made from several tanned pony hides, the words “Life is a party” were scrawled on it in blood red.

(Wow! Pinkie definitely knows this about Feng shui!)

Dash’s attention was brought back by a party horn unfurling and tickling her nose. She gaped at Pinkie Pie, who was standing right in front of her. The party pony was wearing a dress quilted from dried skin, emblazoned with cutie marks. On her back fluttered six pegasus wings, all of different colors. As the earth pony skipped in excitement, her necklace of severed unicorn horns clacked together loudly.

(AND she's got a sense of fashion! 10/10!)

“Like it?” Pinkie asked. “I made it myself.”

Desperately, Dash pleaded with the smiling pony before her. “Pinkie please, I’m sorry if I did anything to you. I didn’t mean it. Please let me go. I promise I won’t tell anybody.”

“Oh Dash, you didn’t do anything. It’s just that your number came up and, well, I don’t make rules. We can’t turn back now.”

 

Dash was tearing up. How could this be happening?

“Aww, don’t be sad Dash,” said Pinkie.  “Look, this’ll cheer you up. I brought you a friend.”

Seemingly out of nowhere, Pinkie produced a brightly painted blue and yellow skull. It was about pony sized, but it had a very defining feature: a beak.

Dash gaped in shock. “Is…is that….is…that?”

(Oh yes!)

“Hey, Dash lets hang together. These ponies are lame-os. Dweebs dweebs dweebs,” Pinkie mimicked. “I caught her right before she left town. Remember when I left the party for about twenty minutes? That wasn’t enough time to play with her of course; I had to wait till after the party to do that. But boy am I glad I did. It was worth it for the flavor alone. Griffons taste like two animals at once, it’s amazing.

(That's a VERY disturbing thought!

Just in case...)

I know she didn’t have a number like everyone else in Ponyville, but when was I gonna get another chance to try griffon? I probably should have asked where she came from so I could have gotten more, but I forgot. I’ll tell you what though, she was quite the fighter. She lasted a long time, which was a lot of fun for me. I got the chance to play with somebody other than a pony and try new things. It’s too bad she had such a meanie mouth. She said so much bad stuff I just had to take her tongue out. You know, bad language makes for bad feelings, Rainbow Dash.”

(That's right! Words could hurt you know! But maybe not as much as this is gonna do...)

Dash didn’t have anything to say. She just sobbed and writhed in her tight bonds.

“Well” said Pinkie with an air of finality, “that’s enough reminiscing. It’s time to begin.”

Putting down Gilda’s skull, the pink pony gripped a scalpel in the cleft of her hoof and walked over to Dash’s right flank. Without any flair, Pinkie placed the blade an inch above Dash’s cutie mark and began a circular cut around it.

(This actually deserved a Screamer)

Dash shouted in pain and tried desperately to pull away, but the braces held her still. Finishing the incision, Pinkie grabbed a curved skinning knife from the tray. Screwing up her face in concentration, she worked it under Dash’s skin and sliced the hide away from the muscle. Dash ground her teeth as she tearfully watched her flesh peel off. Pinkie then moved to the other side and repeated the process on Dash’s left flank. Once she had finished, Pinkie held up both cutie marks in front of her friend and started waving them like pompoms. Dash just whimpered. Her thighs burned like nothing she had felt before.

(And thus, the insanity has begun...)

Placing the ragged patches of skin down, Pinkie selected a large butcher knife and walked behind the blue pegasus. “Hope you don’t mind, I think I’m gonna wing it now,” Pinkie laughed.

("I hope you don't mind, but I'm about to savagely mutilate your body. That's okay, right?")

She grabbed Dash’s left wing in her mouth and played with it for a few seconds, yanking it back so the sharp pain reignited the fire in Dash’s flanks. Then, stretching the wing out, Pinkie brought the blade down hard at the base. Instantly, Dash screamed and thrashed her appendage. The movement threw off Pinkie’s aim. She tried to hit the mark again but missed, and carved a huge slice into Dash’s back.

“Dash, you gotta stay still or I’ll keep missing,” scolded Pinkie as her friend howled.

(Seriously Dashie! Ya fucking disrespecful bitch!)

Pinkie took another whack and hit her target. She swung again and again. Blood sprayed into the air, but Pinkie realized she wasn’t getting anywhere. The blade just wasn’t going through the bone.

“Hmm, I guess I forgot to sharpen it. I’ll try something else,” stated Pinkie matter-of-factly as she tossed the knife over her shoulder, embedding the blade in the table.  Through the haze of pain and tears, Dash heard the sound of a metal box opening and closing.

(Uh-oh...)

“Got it! Say Dash, why do they call it a hack saw? It doesn’t hack; hacking is what I was doing with the knife. This is a saw. I don’t get it.”

Pinkie placed the tool over the mangled flesh of the last attempt. Standing on her hind legs, she worked the saw back and forth with her front hooves.  It sliced effortlessly through the bone and skin. The feeling of the jagged teeth grinding into her made Dash want to vomit. She watched numbly as her wing flew over her head and landed with a fluff on the table.  Pinkie moved to the next wing and started sawing. Dash didn’t struggle this time; she’d given up trying to fight and focused on choking back screams of agony. Abruptly, the sawing paused. Pinkie was only half way done, the wing hanging off by a sliver.

“Hey Dash,” Pinkie piped up. “Think fast!”

Suddenly, Pinkie yanked the wing as hard as she could. The bone snapped but the blue pony’s skin held, then tore away. The pull ripped away a long strip of flesh all the way down Dash’s back to her rump.

(… THAT'S gonna sting tomorrow!)

Her body seized at the unexpected trauma. As her pelvis tensed up, Dash felt a warm release between her legs, and her loud, unending melody of pain filled the room. Unable to catch her breath, she blacked out.

(Was I the only one who felt a slight tingly sensation in my back just now?)

Actually, I think I'll be ”cutting” it here (Hehehe). This little Tom Six film will be continued on monday (I think), you're all welcome back by then! If you want to feel more ”mirror effects” on your body that is...

Oh, and I'm INCREDIBLY sorry for the fucked up text... But I wanted to make sure that this was such an awfully horrifying experience as humanly fucking possible...