Storytime: Contagious

Alright, you thought this was over? That there would be no more Storytimes, or ANYTHING from this blog?
…
Haha.
Hahaha.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!
I don't think so!
Now we're BACK!
AND WE'RE BADDER THAN EVER!
CAPS LOCK TO SHOW HOW SERIOUS I AM!
Though I gotta admit, this one isn't so bad. We've seen worse ;)

Before we begin, just a question; does the tv-show Jackass ring a bell here?
Myself, I just can't imagine a world without Johnny Knoxville and his gang of batshit insane asylum-rejects. I watched all their shows as CRAZY when I was little, and you can say that this League of Extraordinary Asshats helped me to mold into the creepfugly creature of the sewers I am today!
Yes, a Storytime and I begin to talk about Jackass. This is gonna be a good one, and you know it!
Bam MargeraXSteve-o featuring Johnny Knoxville
Warning! This is a slashfic. It contains men engaging in sexual activities with each other. Don’t like? Then don’t read. I do not own anyone in this story
Summary: In which Johnny has to take care of Bam and Steve-o when they are sick. And in which Steve-o finds a good way to help himself fall asleep. And in which Bam annoys Johnny and helps Steve-o.
Found this little piece of grammatical nightmare on dA btw... Turns out there are freaks there too (which confuses me as I always assumed the creeps hang out on Furaffinity!)
Yes, there is mindnumbing porn in this, but it's not that horrifying compared to the grammar...
Now, doesn't this just simply sounds marvellous, my dear?
 

Contagious by AshleyPurdyForEver
Johnny had warned Steve-o to not go into Bam’s room. That he was sick and needed to sleep and get better. Johnny had told Steve-o that he had better not catch Bam’s cold because Johnny was getting tired of attempting to take care of Bam who was being whiney and annoying.
(Even if that isn't something new, really...) Also Johnny couldn’t just pass Bam off to Bam’s parents to take care of him because right now they were filming so they were actually staying at a hotel.  Johnny didn’t want to have to take care of Steve-o as well. No one else would even help him take care of Bam. And if no one would take care of Bam then certainly no one would want to try to take care of Steve-o. The dude was seriously hyperactive and there was no way he could be made to stay in bed and not drink any beer.
(If Steve-O doesn't have every letter combination from A-Z, then my cunt is a motherfucking bike helmet)
But Steve-o was naturally curious about things. It was just his nature. So when he saw Johnny leave Bam’s room to go to the store and get some flu medicine, Steve-o saw his chance. He had stolen a room key to Bam’s room from Johnny when Johnny wasn’t paying attention.
(Oh Steve-O, U so crazy!)
Steve-o snuck quietly down the hallway smiling, proud of himself for outsmarting Knoxville. He opened the door then quietly shut it. The lights were off and when Steve-o turned them on Bams at up surprising Steve-o who had assumed the younger man was asleep.  “Johnny?” Bam called out in a pathetic voice.
“No. It’s me! Steve-o!” laughed Steve-o.  “Get out of here dude you’re gonna get sick.” Bam warned. “But it is nice to see someone besides Knoxville. That bastard is basically quarantining me!” he grumbled. “Do you feel any better?” Steve-o asked feeling a little more concerned now that he actually saw Bam. Bam looked really sleepy and pale.  It was obvious that he wasn’t feeling good at all but Steve-o still asked if only to be polite.
(A Jackass? Being polite?
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

”Excuse me, I'm Johnny Knoxville and please, feel VERY welcome to Jackass, my friend!”

Oooh the possibilities if I had photoshop...)
“Well I feel better then I did yesterday but only a bit.” Bam nodded as Steve-o sat down next to him on the bed bouncing up and down slightly. “Steve-o don’t do that or I’ll puke!’ Bam laughed. Steve-o crawled closer to Bam looking at him staying teasingly just out of Bam’s reach. “Want me to make you feel better?” Steve-o laughed again and before Bam could answer Steve-o pounced on Bam who shrieked with laughter until he couldn’t laugh anymore because Steve-o w kissing him pushing his tongue past Bam’s lips.  Now normally Bam wouldn’t have minded Steve-o kissing him, honestly it was a fairly normal occurrence but Bam didn’t want Steve-o to get the flu as well. Bam’s cell phone rang startling Steve-o who almost fell off the bed.
(In case you do not understand ”Grammer”, Steve-O just kissed Bam.
But to be honest, I DOUBT it's the weirdest thing these guys have done to each other)
It turned out to be Johnny calling to tell Bam that he was on his way back to the hotel. Steve-o ran out of the room laughing.
Sure enough Johnny’s warning was proven right as Steve-o now also had the flu. It didn’t bother Steve-o so much, he was used to puking, and he made his living on doing gross stuff.
(Actually, that is pretty legit fact.
I will never forget the time I watched Steve-O making an omelette by swallowing the ingredients and throw them up again in a frying pan...
It was beautiful I cried.)
However Chris didn’t want to share a hotel room with Steve-o on account of that he was throwing up anything he ate and he was currently munching on a piece of pizza. “Dude seriously you can’t eat pizza when you have the fucking flu!” Chris yelled in exasperation. “Why not?” Steve-o asked words muffled because he was speaking with his mouth full of pepperoni and cheese. “Ugh” Chris said. “That’s it! Steve-o go to Bam and Johnny’s hotel room, I’m kicking you out! I don’t know how you got the flu from Bam and honestly I don’t wanna know how! Now out!” he pointed at the door. Steve-o shrugged and got up then moved to grab the pizza box but Chris yanked it away “Hey!” Steve-o protested. “I paid for it and you shouldn’t have even been eating it in the first place.” Scolded Chris. Steve-o stuck his tongue out at Chris who rolled his eyes as Steve-o walked out the door and strolled down the hallway the carpet feeling nice on his bare feet.
(Dem sentences, just Saiyan..).
He knocked on the door and Johnny opened it. “Steve-o go the hell away dude.” Johnny commanded. Steve-o shook his head. “Chris told me to come here because I’m sick” he said simply, grinning when Johnny grumbled nonsense words under his breathe and opened the door.
“How did you get sick? And answer honestly you idiot.” Johnny said blocking the doorway from Steve-o until he answered the question. “I kissed Bam” Steve-o cackled. “Oh my god!” Johnny said face palming. “Could the both of you get any stupider?”
(Don't challenge them!)
Johnny shook his head and stepped aside. Steve-o bounced into the room, then his face paled and Johnny grabbed his arm and yanked him to the bathroom here Steve-o emptied his stomach of the pizza, Johnny rubbing his back in soothing slow gentle circles.
“Come on” Johnny said allowing Steve-o to lean against him as they walked back to the bed Bam was in and Johnny told Steve-o to sleep next to Bam because there was no way in hell that Steve-o was getting Johnny’s bed.

(This grammar is one of a kind.)
Johnny sighed, going to get a bottle of cold water for Steve-o after he had settled down next to Bam who was currently passed out snoring lightly which Steve-o was giggling at. Johnny rolled his eyes at how immature his friends were. While Johnny wasn’t paying attention, Steve-o decided that Bam being asleep was boring. So he blew gently at Bam’s face like he was blowing out birthday candles on a cake. Bam woke up after slapping at his own face in his sleep because Steve-o breathing on him tickled. Steve-o found this hilarious. “Ugh! Steve-o I’m trying to sleep!” Bam scolded in a fed up voice. “Why are you here anyway? Bam said with narrowed eyes. “You got me sick “Steve-o said. “Do you remember Bam? Maybe you’re illness gave you amnesia-ahhh!” Steve-o sentence was stopped by Bam hitting him in the head with a pillow.
(… Sorry, guys, I can't come up with something witty.
This grammar is distracting me...) 

“Owwww” whined Steve-o
Steve-o tried to raise a pillow and hit back but Johnny grabbed the pillow away from him and put it on a chair. “Hey!” Steve-o complained glancing around and trying to grab Bam’s pillows but Bam was too quick for him he snatched his pillow away then curled up and closed his eyes attempting to go back to sleep. “Why does Bam get a pillow?” Steve-o protested. “Because he’s behaving. OH man I sound like I’m you guys’ father.” Knoxville shook his head as though he couldn’t believe he’d gotten stuck watching Bam and Steve-o but he really needed them to get better so that they could continue filming.
Steve-o huffed and curled up next to Bam falling asleep until Knoxville woke them up to say he was going to dinner and he’d bring them back food that would be easy on their stomachs and that they should sleep which Steve-o responded to by asking why then he had woken them up earning a smack on the back of the head.
(Actually, that was a pretty good question! I think...)
Bam was still asleep when Johnny left but Steve-o wouldn’t let go on for more than few bored seconds. Steve-o smirked, Bam was cute and Steve-o was wide awake now and he wanted to tire himself out. Steve-o smirked; he knew exactly how he wanted to tire himself out.
(I'll give the amnesia-potion AKA vodka to anyone who can figure out what he's planning! Anyone?)
He leaned over Bam and begin to kiss his neck sloppily making Bam squirm in his sleep, Steve-o smiled before biting down harshly on Bam’s shoulder. Bam moaned and opened his blue bleary eyes.
(C'mon, just guess!)
“Steve-o” he moaned out arching his back off the bed. Steve-o pressed his lips to Bam’s biting harshly knowing Bam liked it that way. He moved to straddle Bam who started to squirm and writhe when Steve-o rolled his hips down against Bam’s.
(It rhymes with duck!)
Bam bucked his hips up and reached up to claw at Steve-o’s back. “Oh yeah.” Steve-o moaned out at the feelings of Bam’s nails, sharp on account of Bam biting his nails all the time, reaching under his t-shirt and scratch up and down his back breaking the skin. Steve-o hissed grabbing Bam’s hips and holding him down making Bam whimper as Steve-o bit at the delicate skin along Bam’s collarbone. Steve-o pulled away to remove his own and Bam’s shirts before kissing him gently.
Steve-o pressed his body flush against Bam’s feeling Bam’s erection against his. Steve-o couldn’t resist the urge to fuck Bam deep and hard any longer. He sat up quickly removing his sweatpants and then pulling off Bam's boxers.
(Nah, I'm just kidding; the vodka is mine, motherfucker!)
Bam moaned out low and desperate. Steve-o held out three fingers to Bam who eagerly took them in his mouth swirling his tongue coating Steve-o’s fingers with his spit. Steve-o groaned and almost didn’t want to pull his fingers out of Bam’s warm wet mouth it felt so damn good! But he did kissing Bam as he slid one finger intro his entrance.  Bam tensed up when Steve-o added another finger whimpering. “Shhhh” Steve-o said pushing his fingers further hitting Bam’s prostate and his whimpers turned to high-pitched moans and gasps.
(

+

=

 

)

He kept making the same sounds as Steve-o added a final finger stretching him for a bit longer before removing his fingers and lining his hard cock up with Bam’s entrance pressing forward slowly letting Bam adjust. Bam shut his eyes tightly biting his lips at the sharp burning pain. When he was fully inside he waited a few moments until Bam groaned and gasped “Yesss!!! Move” when the pain faded to pleasure.  Steve-o began to roll his hips down and Bam thrusts his hips to meet Steve-o’s and arching his back pushing Steve-o even deeper inside. “Oh god, Steve-o harder!” moaned Bam and Steve-o grinned panting and slamming his cock deep into Bam’s ass.
(”Oh god, Steve-O, harder!”Is it wrong that I actually laughed at this?)
When Steve-o hit his prostate dead on, Bam let out a strangle yell. “Right there?” Steve-o almost taunted and Bam nodded furiously unable to from words. Steve-o gripped Bam’s hip in one hand and his cock in the other thrusting and jacking Bam off in a kind of rhythm.
(Actually, I don't know if my soul is deader than I thought, but I think the grammar is even more dreadful that the actual content!
I mean, it's the Jackass boys we're talking about. This is probably just another tuesday for them!)
After a few moments of this Bam’s back arched off the bed his eyes shut and he came all over his own stomach and Steve-o’s hand. Steve-o groaned coming deep inside of Bam before collapsing onto the younger man both of them breathing raggedly. After a moment Steve-o pulled out and lay down next to the equally exhausted Bam. They made out for a while until they were to worn out to keep their eyes open anymore and they drifted off to sleep, only awakening when Johnny came back with some soup for dinner. “What did you guys do while I was gone, you get some sleep in or something?” Steve-o looked at Bam and winked quickly. Turning to Knoxville he answer “Or something.”

IN CONCLUSION:

Bam Margera and Steve-O did just have sex. Described by someone who doesn't know how to properly separate dialogue from the other sentences.

ENJOY IT, PEOPLE!

And get some rest, because in the next Storytime, things will get... unique...